hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Welp...herpes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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