I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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