There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
