I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
