Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
