The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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