she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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