he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
