Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
