If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
