man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
