weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
