Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
