And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
