4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
