If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
