we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
