From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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