Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
