Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
