If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
