I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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