I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
