I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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