I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
