you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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