Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
