apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
