I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
