im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
