got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
