I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
