turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
