I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
