I must be too annoying 4 u.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
