what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
