So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
