like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
