true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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