it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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