Is it because I queefed?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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