why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
