i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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