He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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