it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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