Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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