i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
