Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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