do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
