Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
