I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All the doctor said was why
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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