We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
